Dear readers and friends,

I am sorry for the hiatus; it is going to be very spotty for a while into the forseeable future I fear.

As Dana Mathewson informed everyone my wife has suffered a return of her cancer and has only been given a weeks to months to live.

I lived at tha hospital all week, eating cafeteria food and sleeping in a not-so-easy chair which gave me a compression sore on my posterior. But I have no grounds to complain; I would live in a blast furnace if it meant being with her now.

She is a warm, wonderful person, sweet and kind and, frankly, saintly. I know people always say that but in her case it's true. Even now she's worried about me more than about herself. I have no doubt she's going straight to Heaven when the end comes - especially after the suffering she's endured over the last decade or so. Her health has been bad for years, with numerous issues which made her disabled and pretty much a shut-in.

But my heart is totally broken. We were married 32 years this October and had been together several years before that. She is my whole life. How do I go on without her? I know I will somehow but right now I can't imagine it; like losing half of myself.

She told me about a dream she had the other day that I thought I should share with everyone. In her dream she was at my mother's house (my mother passed about seven years ago) and wanted to come inside. My mother was at the door and told her she couldn't come in "you don't have your certificate yet". Cathy asked what that meant and Mom replied "you haven't learned enough yet".Inside Cathy saw my brother's deceased mother and father in law and asked why THEY got to come in "because they have their certificates". Cathy asked if she couldn't just ask me and have me tell her what she needed to know and my Mom shook her head "you have to learn it yourself."

What lesson did she need? I don't know, but I suspect it means she needs a little more time on this Earth. Maybe she needs the lesson most of us need before we go, which is to let go and let others carry your burdens. It's very hard; I often wonder if ghosts aren't people who never learnecd THAT particular lesson and so never left this Earth. Who knows? Assuming there are such things as ghosts, of course.

At any rate that was a beautiful and heart breaking story but I thought it worth sharing as it might help others who are going through something similary. And this comports with near death experiences where there is a border one must cross, and often a loved one greets them at the border and tells them it's not yet time. I can understand why it was my Mom too and not her own parents; it's not quite time for her to see them yet and she wouldn't want to leave if she had. And I'm sure my Mom was also looking out for me in this instance and this dream was as much for my benefit as Cathy's.

Anyway that's where we are at. I'm going to try to maintain this blog but it won't be a daily anymore in all probability; time is precious now.

Thank you all for your care and support.

Posted by: Timothy Birdnow at 08:24 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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