Timothy Birdnow

This was just for fun. I was watching the t.v. show Evil and they had an episode about zombies and I thought about my days as a bachelor when I would go to night clubs and the zombies were there - men and women both, looking for hookups and dancing to in the strobe lighting to technopop. It was like the dance of the dead. It got me thinking...

The Old Zombie Saloon

by Timothy Birdnow

I was feeling very randy and was looking fine and dandy

But I never had a face that would light up a place

so I decided to take candy from the gals who should be sandy

I sought the cold embrace of those you need not chase

I thought to sing my tune

in the Old Zombie Saloon

So I jumped into my car though it wasn't very far

I approached the bouncer with my cover charge

he was slack faced and was gruff but my money was enough

He almost smiled as his puffy skin discharged

I walked into the room which was lively though a tomb

the techno-pop was bumbing out a tune

in the strobe lights at the bar

like a very pale star

was the pale and lovely Jenny June

I sent to her a drink and I hoped she didn't stink

but my lovely Jenny was not yet on the brink

she cracked a hungry smile (though it took her a short while) and I offered her my heart with just one wink

I took her to the floor (and she didn't drip much gore)

though I had to keep one eye upon the door

I knew what was in store if her teeth I should ignore

she certainly was going to ask for more

Even though she was quite stiff she still danced so very well

And I knew she would bring heaven, even if she came from hell

and wile she was not roses she really didn't smell

at least not so badly or at least I couldn't tell

When we left the Zombie bar it was "your place or do mine"

but it turned out her place wasn't so good; I knew when I saw the graveyard sign

and her welcome mat was not my choice for a good centerpiece

it was stony cold and lonely and it taunted "rest in peace".

Now I don't fault Jenny for living where she could

and being dead is not her fault nor mine (please knock on wood)

and I must admit she looked so fetching in her burial gown

I hope there's nothing that is catching

from the cold, cold ground

So I decided this hookup was going to be my last

I'd forget all other women, even though Jenny had passed

and I got bold and I got foolish and laid inside her grave

and she cuddled me and spooned me while I prayed my life to save

So now my Jenny is set to be my blushless bride

I know she looks quite fetching but I fear what's there inside

I'm not sure what I'm losing and not sure what I'll gain

I just hope after my honeymoon I still possess my brain

I cannot get away and I fear I'm fairly doomed

I just hope to keep my brain intact and not wind up entombed

Don't go out a lookin for a hookup by the light of the harvest moon

And don't you ever dangle your pole at The Old Zombie Saloon

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