I am sorry blogging has been even lighter than usual; I have been under the weather for the last week or so and, coupled with some family issues as well as cleaning up some messes left from when Cathy passed away I haven't had the time nor the inclination to post much. 

Hopefully that will change in the immediate future, although it's still going to be a while before I get back to the blogging of yore. I still can't seem to work up a lot of enthusiasm for it. That is what grief does to you.

At least that's what the grief counselor I spoke with told me.  She was great; I was on the phone with her for about an hour and a half. She came from Gentiva, the hospice firm, which was absolutely wonderful through the entire process of Cathy's passing. She called ME and she knew all about my case and who I was and what I was going through and it was wonderful to actually speak with someone who could address my specific situation, who understood, rather than just gave easy platitudes and stock answers.  

She warned me that my concentration would be off for a while, which it has been. So too would my interest in most things - even the stuff I love. It's normal, to be expected. She told me to take plenty of time for muself.

We spoke about my father, and his situation. I am quite worried about my father. As regular readers know my father is in his mid-nineties and has been sick this last year. In fact we put him in the same nursing home as my wife so I could keep an eye on both of them, and I was like one of those '50's roller skating waitresses, shooting back and forth between their two rooms and going to talk with the staff about their many mistakes (which were constant in that place). Now Cathy is gone but Dad remains but isn't well and I feel I should be doing more. The grief counselor advised me strongly to let my brother handle it and take time off; she said I desperately need it and will probably really injure myself if I do not. I already spent five days in the hospital as a result of the pressure of it all, just when Cathy was about to die, too. {She thoughtfully waited for me to get back before leaving this weary old world). I need to take my time.

At any rate I remain worn down and was quite sick a few days ago. I was having trouble breathing and thought to call for an ambulance but the thought of getting dressed and being dragged to a place where I was just going to sit and wait for hours anyway seemed daunting, so I rode it out. I figure if God wanted to take me He would have, and if not then staying home wasn't going to kill me. It didn't. I have felt progressively better each day, though I'm still not back to normal. 

I WAS exposed to the flu; my neighbor came over to me and was talking my ear off and she said "this is the first time I've been out of the house in a while; I have had the flu". Great. She's a very nice lady and I was glad for the company but it may have just been standard influenza, or even Covid, but at least it wasn't my heart condition. I live with the regular diseases.

At any rate I am still not totally up to snuff.

And yesterday was a series of disagreeable events. I went to open the blinds on my bedroom window to let light in when I got up and the blinds fell down. I had a devil of a time getting them back up and when I did they were all cattywumpas and wouldn't work. I wound up hanging a lace throw over the window for some privacy; I'll have to address those blinds in a day or two, when I feel up for it.

Then the wifi went out and so did my televisions. I was cut off from the world.

I tried to pay my gas bill over the phone and they said my credit card was declined. I checked it when I went out; it worked elsewhere. So now I have to make sure the stupid gas company gets paid so they don't shut me off - something that could well happen given my luck over the last year. 

I've had trouble with my bank card since I misplaced my checkbook and put a temporary hold on my account. I couldn't just take the hold off, oh no! I had to get a new card with new numbers, and new passwords, and now this stupid card only works about 75% of the time. The stupid thing gets denied fairly often these days for no good reason except that I made the mistake of asking the bank to hold the account until I found the checkbook.

Then I needed to draw money out of my retirement funds and when my money manager tried he said there was a hold on the account; they had found out Cathy, who was the principle name on the fund, had passed away and so I couldn't get the money. I need it; I have big bills to pay and in fact wrote some checks that are now going to be pushing me uncomfortably close to insufficient funds. I should have enough but it's cutting it fine; no more spending until I know the money is in the account. I had to go out to my  money manager's office, and they moved into a new building which I had a devil of a time finding. It was creepy too; a very deep basement parking garage, dark and forbidding. You could survive a nuclear attack down there easily (assuming you had food and water of course). Then I dropped my garage ticket and had to go back into the place (a fairly long walk) and look for it. Fortunately I found it on the floor. By this time much of the day was over and I had no desire to go grocery shopping, as I had planned. I would up eating some leftover spaghetti that was suspiciously aged I dug out of the fridge. Given my tendency to eat antiquities these days it's a wonder I haven't passed from some food-born pathogen.

So that's how it's been going for some time now; one minor mishap after another, interspersed with major disasters. I had hoped my luck was about to change but no dice. 

At any rate I got the wifi back last night and just plunked down to watch t.v. and answer the phone calls from my brother, who called me numerous times about my father. No rest for the wicked they say; I must have been a bad, bad boy in a past life (assuming there were such). My mother used to collect all manner of stuff (she was a pack rat) and she had these little figurines. One had a man sitting under a tree with a bird above him and it was captioned "go ahead; everyone else does". I am feeling like that these days.

Hopefully I'll be back in the saddle soon. Please stay tuned.

Tim

Posted by: Dana Mathewson at January 10, 2026 12:50 AM (lBLsY)

Posted by: Timothy Birdnow at January 10, 2026 07:39 AM (umJ+Y)

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