November 24, 2018

New WH Press Protocols

Dana Mathewson

Awright, here's how it's gonna go:

Put Sarah (and her successors) in an isolated studio with plenty of creature comforts and put the dudes like Acosta in a set of bleachers (sound isolated from the studio, just speakers) with microphones over their heads where they can't touch them. Bleachers, like we had in high school. Boards to sit on, no backs. As in, "uncomfortable." Give them buzzers where they have to "ring in" and be recognized by Sarah. If they ring in more than a set number of times, and especially if they keep ringing after somebody else has been called on, they get a shock. If they keep doing it, the shock gets greater. If they make a habit of it, the shocks start out at a higher level.

This is called "Behavior Modification."

If they object, their press pass is eventually revoked. If a judge sticks his nose into it he gets fired. Or, better yet, is obliged to take over for the fired press jockey, with all the "privileges."

It's high time these friggin' children learned about the real world.

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