Timothy Birdnow

There's a mouse in the house! Or rather, there are mice in the, er, hice?

At any rate, I heard some odd noises the other day and thought perhaps my house was being possessed by demonic entities. After all, America seems to be so possessed these days, so why not my home? But then the little love children showed their faces. I heard squeeks and rustling and the sound of little rodent rumbling. At one point two speckled brown mice darted out from the other room and bolted under my couch.

My wife admitted she's afraid of them and she spent last night upstairs. Me, I fear not; I have REAL rodents down at the Ozark Hilton, including rats who tear the place up. (The rats will chase the mice down there too, and probably eat them; I saw a mouse run out once and a rat bolted after him.) Those are big strong country rodents and they are not afraid of a mere human, which is a critter they rarely if ever see. And given my hands-off policy ( I only take action against them when they start taking over down there) they probably think I am harmless and lovable! I am, too!  But only to a point.

At any rate, I suppose the change in the weather led to our more timid city rodents deciding to move in with us. They probably like the warmth and hope to find food and water. I am being ruthless, making sure no food is left out and there is no standing water anywhere.

I hate to do it but I'm going for some D-Con. That stuff works really well; mice love it and it does not love them. Dcon attacks their lungs so they go outside hoping to be able to breath so they don't die in your house. I feel bad about it; I don't want to hurt them, but I can't have them tearing stuff up in here and possibly bringing in bubonic plague or something. If I want dirty, disease carrying freeloaders I would have voted Democratic in the last election.

I'll have to find out where they got in.

Posted by: Timothy Birdnow at 10:29 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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