J. David Dickinson

On July 10, 2017, the White House announces that President Trump has discovered a cure for cancer.

Within hours, this:

Chuck Todd, NBC News: "There’s news tonight that a cure for cancer has been discovered by someone in what is arguably the worst administration in American history, however, we have been unable to verify it since no anonymous sources told us about this. Since the president lies about virtually everything, we have the right to remain skeptical. In other news, the Russians, who hacked the election last year…”

CBS Evening News: "There are unsubstantiated rumors floating around the Capital tonight that the president, who most people think is illegitimate, has found a cure for the common cold. Or cancer, we’re not sure. We spoke tonight with America’s foremost medical expert who has told us unequivocally that there is no cure for cancer because years and years of research has shown it would be impossible. In other news, according to CBS News’ foremost climate expert, global warming has tragically taken yet another four million lives…”

ABC Evening News: "Allegedly, the president has discovered a cure for cancer, we’re not sure if it’s skin cancer, tumors, or what. But millions of families are likely to be devastated that he waited this long and their family members who have passed away from this horrible disease could not be saved. An ABC News Poll has found that those people will not be casting their vote for Trump in 2020 should he run for re-election. In other news, Hillary Clinton this afternoon has offered new insight into why she had her rightful election as president stolen from her, providing detailed data that proves beyond a doubt that…”

NPR’s "All Things Considered”: "Tonight we will talk about cancer and how cancer, while sometimes devastating, can bring families and loved ones together in harmony; mending hearts, renewing relationships, creating bonds that will last forever; teaching us about love and caring and sharing and nurturing and…”

NY Times Headline: "American Cancer Society To Be Disbanded Because of Trump, Thousands To Lose Their Jobs"

Washington Post Headline: "Sloane Kettering and Hundreds of Medical Centers Must Close Vital Facilities Due to President Trump's Actions; Many Livelihoods Ruined, Lives In Tatters"

Wall Street Journal Headline: ”Pharmaceutical Stocks Collapse. Will Trump’s Untimely Medical Breakthrough Be Responsible For Coming Worldwide Economic Crash?”

The Economist Headline: "'Jobs President' In Danger of Becoming 'Jobless President'”

The Guardian Headline: "American President Cures Cancer, World To Die Anyway Because He Withdrew From Paris Climate Accord"

Black Lives Matter Press Release: "Racist President Cures Cancer, Does Nothing Whatsoever About Cops Killing Thousands of People of Color”

LGBT Press Release: "President Trump Wants Gay People To Die, Doesn’t Cure AIDS”

CNN's Chris Cuomo: "An anonymous source has told us that there is no cure for cancer, it was actually a new diet pill. Another anonymous source has confirmed that the President is once again lying, the Surgeon General was fired because he asked for more money to find a cure for cancer. This is a heinous attack on American democracy and the brave, hardworking, devoted members of the media...”

MSNBC, Joy Reid and Rachel Maddow together:
Joy: "What have you discovered, Rachel, what are those papers you're holding?”
Rachel: "I have here proof, detailed Proof, that this entire lie about a cure for cancer, which will never happen anyway, was merely a plot hatched by the Russians, Romanians, and Macedonians to make Trump look good and steal the election in 2020. We are not fooled and the American people shouldn’t be either. This is yet another smoke screen to deflect attention away from the fact that Steve Bannon and Donald Trump colluded with the Russians and stole the election last November.”
Joy: "Resist. Persist. Women’s Rights are Human Rights...”

Lena Dunham's Instagram post: "I am devastated that I never got to experience breast cancer or cervical cancer or uterine cancer like so many of my sisters have. Planned Parenthood rocks!"

Maxine Waters Press Conference: "There are decent, hardworking people all across the land who have been victimized by the Fake News that there is some supposed cure for cancer. This is nothing but a vicious Russian lie spread by Fox News and Breitbart and that Dudge Reporter or whatever it’s called. We must get rid of this president, IMPEACH 45, IMPEACH 45, IMPEACH 45.”

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