Timothy Birdnow

My wife Cathy has passed away at the age of 64, at home with her husband.

Cathy was in her third bout of cancer and they had exhausted all treatment options for her, so she chose to accept hospice care. Once on hospice she deteriorated very quickly and passed last night (Saturday Dec. 13) at about 10:30 p.m.

I was sitting with her when she expired. She was no longer able to speak but was peaceful and comofortable. She passed with the gentlest of sighs and then breathed no more.

The fascinating thing was that I was in the hospital with congestive heart failure symptoms. I felt extremely bad the weekend ago last, and my brother in law - a physician, as well as the hospice nurse were horrified at my condition. They both insisted I go to the ER, where the doctors immediately admitted me and kept me for five straight days. I feared missing her passing but it would be a double funeral if I hadn't stayed for the course of my treatment. My sister-in-law kept telling me Cathy was sleeping and weak but fine, and I later came to find out she was telling me comforting tales. In fact Cathy was no longer drinking anything or eating and her urine was a horrible looking substance at this point, but she just kept going. The hospice nurse said she'd never seen anything like it.

So what was she waiting for? Me.

I got home about 3:30 Saturday afternoon and settled into a chair in her room for the night. Her breathing became faster and more shallow and I was concerned, but what could be done? I rather suspected where it was going. About ten o'clock I told Cathy I was going to bed in about an hour (being pretty wiped from the hospital) and she passed about half an hour later. It was like watching watching a leaf blow away in the breeze.

She waited for me to come home and then accelerated the time table so I could be with her when she passed from this veil of tears.

And tears there were many. She suffered terribly with her illnesses over the last few years, but especially over the last year where she was permanently bedridden. She had been handicapped before that, with a neurological disorder similar to Parkinson's (Fragile X Tremor Ataxia Syndrome) making walking difficult and caus‌ing tremors in her hands. She also had suffered from Oral Mandibular Dystonia, a horrible neurological disorder that forced her mouth open and led to a speech impediment (as well as a drool problem). The cherry on top of this particular excrement sundae was incontinence and anal leakage.

But the cancer was the real pain in the, well, it was right where she sat so it hurt terribly. Her oncologist told us it's perhaps the most painful cancer known. She was in her third bout of it.

She had been in a nursing facility where she was getting substandard care (at gold standard prices) and she fell out of her bed and broke her clavicle, giving her even more pain.

But she never complained and she never lashed out; she believed this was from God and she prayed for strength, not an easing. I truly believe she is a saint in the real sense of the word.

And I am also sure she stayed as long as she could to protect me. I once told her "I'll be o.k." and she immediately responded "no you won't". I suspect she believed that, which is why she made it her mission to watch over me as long as God allowed. And she wasn't wrong either; I wound up in the hospital with serious heart issues. I would add she had a nightmare while we were in the apartment and the caregiver woke me in the wee hours because she was panicking about me. She wouldn't tell me the details of the dream but she clearly feared the worst. I find it interesting that a few days later I would wind up in the hospital for almost a week after she had her nightmare.

At any rate I didn't want to talk about this but felt it incumbent upon me to write about it now. I owe all of you, dear readers, an explanation of what has been happening.

Over the next week we are going to have to pull a funeral together. Cathy's wish was to be cremated but she also wanted a Catholic burial, so that is what we are doing; cremating her and holding a formal funeral and burial service.

I just lost the love of my life, the woman I spent over half my lifetime with. I really find it hard to see how I'm going to carry on but soldier on we must. God doesn't give us a choice in the matter.

At any rate please pray for Cathy, who probably doesn't need any prayers, and for me and her family. We are all stricken with great grief at this moment.

It may be a bit before I can post again; my new, spiffy laptop is still not working and the old warhorse is in our old home, which I plan to return to after the funeral. But I'll be back to blogging in a week or two. Please be patient.

Eternal rest grant unto her, O Lord, and let the perpetual light shine upon her. May she rest in peace - Amen.

Posted by: Timothy Birdnow at 04:10 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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