The Christmas Tree Squirrel

by Timothy Birdnow

12/21/23

When I was much younger our Christmas, I must confess
Was a time of great tumult, a time of great distress
my mother grew quite desperate to clean up all our mess
and my father in frustration often had much to confess

He would put up the tree just before Christmas eve
it was a source of great frustration, he was sorely aggreived
that tree was his enemy, he truly believed
and he used some strong language, such as sailors could conceive

Yes our Christmas was always frantic and quite rowdy an affair
often much more than my mother,bless her soul, could truly bear
she would sit in pure exhaustion and sip her tea, worn out with care
or would furrow her brow and brood with a dark and angry stare

I remember one Christmas many years long ago
when my father brought the tree in with the help of myself and of my bro
I curled on the coach in dread silence as I watched the Christmas show
I knew at some point that old Dad was going to blow

he labored for hours untangling the lights
one eye on the t.v. while the tangles he did fight
he struggled for hours well waging war into the night
angrily cursing at his his fate, it was quite miserable plight

When finally things all appeared to be done
He turned on the tree but the lights there wwere none
I sure am glad he did not possess a gun!
He raged against the tree, it appeared the pine had won

Then I gazed upon the tinseled beast and saw the cause of all of his pain
and knew right then and there what had made him goinsane
our cat, a cheeky and annoying beast, had been playfully yanking his chain
I reached down to the pullcord and they lit up again

That was one year out of many we stoically endured
and as dry as our tress so often grew I was thankful we were insured
but no matter how exhausting or how much we came unmoored
there was one Christmas Day that can never be obscured

That was the time of that terrible business
when a squirrel came to visit our tree just at Christmas

We had brought the tree in from the yard and had trimmed it with all pride
little did we realize there was the thing that darkly lurked inside
we had noticed nothing when we bought it, nor on our short car ride
we could never know that there would be great evil lurking inside

Now my nephew Max - he was prone to so much worry -
was fearful of creatures like alligators here in Missouri
so he was quite distraught when a head oh-so-furry
jumped from the tree and in panic flee; the beast in a tearing big hurry
and quick as a flash away it did scurry

The furry invader was mean and fierce, a best quite lean and vicious
the furry beast made such a scene; he was on no-one's wish list
Angry, mean, and sharp of claw, nothing any human being would ever have dared kissed
Sharp of tooth, sharp of claw, a visage quite malicious

across the family room floor it bounded, and through our family dinette
through the open kitchen door it ran; as far as it could get
that squirrel it raced like lightning as though fleeing fromit's doom
It ran for allit's life out the door and straight into the bathroom

we called for the man and he said he would come
it was his job, after all, to catch the animals great and small, to nab the beasts so dumnb
and it would not cost us very much, no too lavish or lordly a sum
so keep our chins up, the great man said, and to despair do not succumb

the man came to take it, and he warned us and admonished us to pray
and to keep that door quite stoutly locked no matter what he'd say
then intotheroom the man was sealed and it erupted in a frighening fray
it was man and his hands versus the spawn of Satan, the furry gray on this great Apocalyptic Christmas Day

Inside of the john it all came to a boil
the man and the beast locked in mortal turmoil
our passibles thrown about, strewn, and were roiled
we prayed for success for the man's dangerous toil

After what seemed like hours the man fianlly appeared
He had defeated the critter; we applauded and cheered!
the damage inside was far less than we feared
I remember my mother's relief as her eyes filled with tears

So unto this day we hang up a totem
a squireel on a hook (and not hanging by it's scrotum)
to honor the beast that had haunted our tree
and had made a memorable Christmas as we all would agree

I still remember those Christmases dear
I still see it all with a memory clear
even though many of them are a bit cloudy from beer
but as time marches on they grow dimmer I fear
But I cling to them all lest they all disappear

So remember your loved ones, always answer their call
And remember these times as you carry your haul
enjoy the time while you have it, make merry, have a ball
Merry Christmas to you, to you one and to all!

Posted by: Timothy Birdnow at 02:08 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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