December 16, 2021
Santa's Elves
Timothy Birdnow
Cathy and I watched the movie The Polar Express the other night and it got me to thinking. Why would a kid get on a ghost train with a bunch of strangers? And then I thought about how Santa is always stalking children. It produced this little twisted story. I hope everyone enjoys it.
Santa's Elves
by Timothy Birdnow
12/16/21
Billy was a naughty little boy.
Now, there are plenty of naughty little boys in this world, but Billy was in a class by himself. He enjoyed being naughty in the same way a world class athlete enjoys the thrill of competition. He sought to outdo himself.
On his sixth birthday he poured honey in his sister's bed and left the window open for the ants to come in. He tore a hole in his father's expensive leather armchair and ripped out the stuffing. He shredded his mother's cigarettes.
Which led to his father giving him a first-class spanking and sending him to bed at six o'clock.
"You better straighten up boy. Santa is watching you ! Come Christmas you are going to be in trouble!"
This only strengthened little Billy's resolve. He was worse than ever for the rest of the year.
He stuffed a newspaper into the tailpipe of Mr. Watson's car, turned on the Jepson's garden hose and let it run into their basement, and cut off the heads of all his sister's dolls.
His mother, at wits end, warned him "if you keep this up trolls will come for you in the night and take you away." But the rotten little boy never listened.
His mother bought him an Elf on the Shelf and set it up to make Billy afraid "he's watching you, Santa and his elves." It seemed to have no effect.
Billy was incorrigible. His mother took him to a psychologist. But that rotten little brat was a pure angel there, and the psychologist thought perhaps it was Billy's mom who was the problem. She began to doubt her own sanity. But her husband and her daughter both agreed the boy was a bad seed.
Still his parents s spoiled him, doted on him, and he had everything he wanted. That is often the nature of things; bad behavior seems to be rewarded. When a child is rotten you can often find an indulgent parent happy to facilitate. In fact, many times rotten kids are given more as a bribe.
So Billy was king of his castle despite his bad behavior.
But then the night before Christmas it was all going to change.
Master Billy refused to turn in but sleep overcame, and he lay in his bed, exhausted from the days misbehavior.
The elf on the shelf glowered at him menacingly in the dark.
And so did all of his toys. The jack-in-the-box he broke, with the gouged out eye seemed to snarl at him. So did the teddy bear in the chair.
Billy awoke with a start, a sense of something impending, something evil and sinister.
He heard the sound of what he thought were heavy hooves on the roof. But in this instance he was not happy but frightened. Was this Santa? Was the strange fat man in red coming?
Billy had been threatened by his parents all year, warned Santa was watching. Now he was coming! The sound his jingle bells heralding the arrival of the shadowy stalker, the dark figure who was always watching and waiting, plotting and conspiring.
He heard heavy boots in the other room. A sinister HO! HO! HO! emanating from the living room. Billy curled up in his bed, terrified of the menacing stranger who had invaded his home.
Where were his parents?
"Where is that bad little boy Billy?" he heard the fat man say.
"You are on my naughty list Billy! Come out now! Don't make me come in after you!"
Billy was terrified. He knew Santa was a stalker, and probably a communist (he had heard they were bad and wore red) but he never dreamed Santa would be coming for him.
"HO! HO! HO!"
He heard the fat man at his bedroom door.
The door creaked open menacingly, and the silhouette of evil appeared. A beast of a man, the very image of the seven deadly sins. Obese from gluttony and sloth, a lecherous leer on his round, red face. Red nose from far too much alcohol, the picture of all Man's sins.
"You've been naughty Billy. Now you have to answer for it." the Satan Clause hissed.
"Good little boys and girls get presents. But do you know what happens to the naughty ones? I take them away to my workshop and turn them into elves. There they labor night and day forever, making toys for the good children. If they shirk they get hit with candy canes. They sleep in cold dormitories with a single lump of coal for their fires. You'll have to sing sappy holiday songs all year in my choir and wiggle your ears, which can really be tiresome. There is no escape; it's the North Pole and you will freeze to death if you try to leave."
Billy was speechless. The evil Claus bared dagger like teeth at the terrified child.
"You will wind up with pointy ears and never grow up and always be a slave."
Billy screamed in terror. He suddenly realized just how sorry he was for being so bad. He begged Santa for forgiveness "Please...I will stop being bad. I'll stop!"
And for the first time in his short life he realized just how much he had hurt his family, his sister and his mother and father. And he realized he deserved to become one of Santa's brainwashed minions, a slave of the consumer culture, imprisoned at the frozen place where naughty children are forced to labor forever.
He began to pray. Not the rote prayers his mother made him say but true prayers, from his terrified black little heart.
At that moment he knew he had to make a real choice.
"From now on I'll be good. I won't spit in my sister's juice, or punch her or anything. I'll do what mommy and daddy say, and not tear stuff up. I won't flush any more hamsters down the toilet. I'll stop tearing the wings off dragonflies. I'll be good from now on." And he meant it.
Suddenly Santa seemed to change. His visage no longer as menacing as it had been. With a wink and a nod he turned, went to the kitchen and could be heard slobbering as he wolfed down the cookies and milk Billy's parents had left out for him, then disappeared into the dark, dark night. The sound of sleighbells could be heard in the snowy darkness, disappearing into the void of hell. A faint "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night" echoed in the blackness of this Christmas nightmare.
The next morning Billy awoke a new boy. He felt happier than he had for a long while now. There were presents - a lot of them - under the tree. His stocking was full too. He was a little afraid of his presents, knowing where they came from. But was it a dream? He didn't know. He only knew he had another chance.
Billy grew to be a fine young man and an even finer old man, but he always slept with the lights on at Christmas time. And he gave lots of presents to people but never wanted any in return. As old as he became he always remembered where those presents came from.
A Merry Christmas to all - or else!
Cathy and I watched the movie The Polar Express the other night and it got me to thinking. Why would a kid get on a ghost train with a bunch of strangers? And then I thought about how Santa is always stalking children. It produced this little twisted story. I hope everyone enjoys it.
Santa's Elves
by Timothy Birdnow
12/16/21
Billy was a naughty little boy.
Now, there are plenty of naughty little boys in this world, but Billy was in a class by himself. He enjoyed being naughty in the same way a world class athlete enjoys the thrill of competition. He sought to outdo himself.
On his sixth birthday he poured honey in his sister's bed and left the window open for the ants to come in. He tore a hole in his father's expensive leather armchair and ripped out the stuffing. He shredded his mother's cigarettes.
Which led to his father giving him a first-class spanking and sending him to bed at six o'clock.
"You better straighten up boy. Santa is watching you ! Come Christmas you are going to be in trouble!"
This only strengthened little Billy's resolve. He was worse than ever for the rest of the year.
He stuffed a newspaper into the tailpipe of Mr. Watson's car, turned on the Jepson's garden hose and let it run into their basement, and cut off the heads of all his sister's dolls.
His mother, at wits end, warned him "if you keep this up trolls will come for you in the night and take you away." But the rotten little boy never listened.
His mother bought him an Elf on the Shelf and set it up to make Billy afraid "he's watching you, Santa and his elves." It seemed to have no effect.
Billy was incorrigible. His mother took him to a psychologist. But that rotten little brat was a pure angel there, and the psychologist thought perhaps it was Billy's mom who was the problem. She began to doubt her own sanity. But her husband and her daughter both agreed the boy was a bad seed.
Still his parents s spoiled him, doted on him, and he had everything he wanted. That is often the nature of things; bad behavior seems to be rewarded. When a child is rotten you can often find an indulgent parent happy to facilitate. In fact, many times rotten kids are given more as a bribe.
So Billy was king of his castle despite his bad behavior.
But then the night before Christmas it was all going to change.
Master Billy refused to turn in but sleep overcame, and he lay in his bed, exhausted from the days misbehavior.
The elf on the shelf glowered at him menacingly in the dark.
And so did all of his toys. The jack-in-the-box he broke, with the gouged out eye seemed to snarl at him. So did the teddy bear in the chair.
Billy awoke with a start, a sense of something impending, something evil and sinister.
He heard the sound of what he thought were heavy hooves on the roof. But in this instance he was not happy but frightened. Was this Santa? Was the strange fat man in red coming?
Billy had been threatened by his parents all year, warned Santa was watching. Now he was coming! The sound his jingle bells heralding the arrival of the shadowy stalker, the dark figure who was always watching and waiting, plotting and conspiring.
He heard heavy boots in the other room. A sinister HO! HO! HO! emanating from the living room. Billy curled up in his bed, terrified of the menacing stranger who had invaded his home.
Where were his parents?
"Where is that bad little boy Billy?" he heard the fat man say.
"You are on my naughty list Billy! Come out now! Don't make me come in after you!"
Billy was terrified. He knew Santa was a stalker, and probably a communist (he had heard they were bad and wore red) but he never dreamed Santa would be coming for him.
"HO! HO! HO!"
He heard the fat man at his bedroom door.
The door creaked open menacingly, and the silhouette of evil appeared. A beast of a man, the very image of the seven deadly sins. Obese from gluttony and sloth, a lecherous leer on his round, red face. Red nose from far too much alcohol, the picture of all Man's sins.
"You've been naughty Billy. Now you have to answer for it." the Satan Clause hissed.
"Good little boys and girls get presents. But do you know what happens to the naughty ones? I take them away to my workshop and turn them into elves. There they labor night and day forever, making toys for the good children. If they shirk they get hit with candy canes. They sleep in cold dormitories with a single lump of coal for their fires. You'll have to sing sappy holiday songs all year in my choir and wiggle your ears, which can really be tiresome. There is no escape; it's the North Pole and you will freeze to death if you try to leave."
Billy was speechless. The evil Claus bared dagger like teeth at the terrified child.
"You will wind up with pointy ears and never grow up and always be a slave."
Billy screamed in terror. He suddenly realized just how sorry he was for being so bad. He begged Santa for forgiveness "Please...I will stop being bad. I'll stop!"
And for the first time in his short life he realized just how much he had hurt his family, his sister and his mother and father. And he realized he deserved to become one of Santa's brainwashed minions, a slave of the consumer culture, imprisoned at the frozen place where naughty children are forced to labor forever.
He began to pray. Not the rote prayers his mother made him say but true prayers, from his terrified black little heart.
At that moment he knew he had to make a real choice.
"From now on I'll be good. I won't spit in my sister's juice, or punch her or anything. I'll do what mommy and daddy say, and not tear stuff up. I won't flush any more hamsters down the toilet. I'll stop tearing the wings off dragonflies. I'll be good from now on." And he meant it.
Suddenly Santa seemed to change. His visage no longer as menacing as it had been. With a wink and a nod he turned, went to the kitchen and could be heard slobbering as he wolfed down the cookies and milk Billy's parents had left out for him, then disappeared into the dark, dark night. The sound of sleighbells could be heard in the snowy darkness, disappearing into the void of hell. A faint "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night" echoed in the blackness of this Christmas nightmare.
The next morning Billy awoke a new boy. He felt happier than he had for a long while now. There were presents - a lot of them - under the tree. His stocking was full too. He was a little afraid of his presents, knowing where they came from. But was it a dream? He didn't know. He only knew he had another chance.
Billy grew to be a fine young man and an even finer old man, but he always slept with the lights on at Christmas time. And he gave lots of presents to people but never wanted any in return. As old as he became he always remembered where those presents came from.
A Merry Christmas to all - or else!
Posted by: Timothy Birdnow at
10:19 AM
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Post contains 1287 words, total size 8 kb.
1
Scary!
Posted by: Dana Mathewson at December 16, 2021 03:22 PM (rDOKo)
2
That was the intent Dana; I guess I hit the mark.
Posted by: Timothy Birdnow at December 17, 2021 08:40 AM (OYnC2)
3
Now, be honest: you cribbed some ideas from Dickens' "A Christmas Carol." Just give the credits. 
Posted by: Dana Mathewson at December 18, 2021 12:35 AM (rDOKo)
4
No two ways about it Dana.
I had thought to have the boy dragged off but thought that would be too mean, so I had him repent. It kind of stole the fun from it but no reader would forgive his being enslaved.
I had thought to have the boy dragged off but thought that would be too mean, so I had him repent. It kind of stole the fun from it but no reader would forgive his being enslaved.
Posted by: Timothy Birdnow at December 18, 2021 09:48 AM (7yq9k)
5
BTW I banged this out in just about an hour, so it's not exactly great art. Just a fun little horror/Christmas story.
I posted it on Facebook and got a huge yawn. I guess people didn't get the humor (which I hoped was evident) and thought it depressing. I know; Christmas stories are supposed to be uplifting and,well, sappy.
I posted it on Facebook and got a huge yawn. I guess people didn't get the humor (which I hoped was evident) and thought it depressing. I know; Christmas stories are supposed to be uplifting and,well, sappy.
Posted by: Timothy Birdnow at December 18, 2021 10:00 AM (7yq9k)
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